This unfortunately-named member of the 2nd London Irish Battalion was acquainted to me by Rifleman Patrick MacGill in his 1915 memoir of camp life, The Amateur Army. Here is an excerpt from the chapter "The Coffee-Shop and Wankin."

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Wankin is eternally in trouble, although his agility in dodging pickets and his skill in making a week's C.B. a veritable holiday are the talk of the regiment. All the officers know him, and many of them who have been victims of his smart repartee fear him more than they care to acknowledge...

On one occasion the major suffered when a battalion kit inspection took place early one December morning. Wankin had sold his spare pair of boots, the pair that is always kept on top of the kit-bag; but when the major inspected Wankin's kit the boots were there, newly polished and freed from the most microscopic speck of dust. Someone tittered during the inspection, then another, and the major smelt a rat. He lifted Wankin's kit-bag in his hand and found Wankin's feet tucked under it -- Wankin's feet in stockinged soles. The major was justly indignant. "One step to the front, left turn," he roared. "March in front of every rank in the battalion and see what you think of it!"

With stockinged feet, cold, but still wearing an inscrutable smile of impudence, Wankin paraded in front of a thousand grinning faces and in due course got back to his kit and beside the sarcastic major.

"What do you think of it?" asked the latter.

"I don't think much of it, sir," Wankin replied. "It's the dirtiest regiment I ever inspected."

I went downtown to the civil ceremony at the courthouse, and some district government guy (a circuit judge, maybe) said "well I'm going to make a politically incorrect statement here, but we're all here because of Jesus and we better believe in him and thank him for it whether we like it or not" and then launched into some shitty, interminable nu-cuntry song about ONE NATION UNDER GOD OR ELSE, at which point I was utterly aghast - HE LITERALLY SAID "WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT" - and then I left, because evidently I cannot actually honour my country's veterans if I don't go to that asshole's motherfucking church.

I'd already been there for an hour and paid my respects, but now I'm sure I look like a disrespectful heathen to every veteran in attendance anyway.

Today is the 10th of November, and you know what that, means, right, kiddies? <--* said in cheesily overly-cheerful voice*

It means that I'm ONE THIRD of the way through successfully completing NaBloPoMo 2009!! YESSS!!

Today's dose of crack post-ness - quick MARCH!!

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Alright - so there's this thing I've been wondering about for a while.

I've kept this blog up for almost three years now, and during that time, I've had a handful of comments here and there on various posts - however, most of them have none.

Which leads to what I was wondering.

Does anybody actually read this?

Since I started importing this to Facebook, I'm sure more people (possibly) look at it than before...
Now, I'm not saying I want people to comment on every entry, (I'm not THAT desperate :P) but there is one favour I'm requesting.

If you actually read these random little comments/addendums on life that I put into here, could you please comment on this entry? (Either at Facebook on here on LJ)

I'm curious to see as to who actually reads this, or whether I'm just a lonely fool talking to a wall. (I've had many days where I feel that that is most certainly the case)

So, please, please, PLEASE comment? (Wow... I just noticed that I really sound like I'm begging, here. :S)

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And today's holiday is - Area Code Day!! Show your area code that you care today! :P

I got bored with that avatar maker. ( Read more... )

Good evening and welcome to Post Nine.

Tonight, I bring you... a LIST!! Yes, a list of ten of my favourite sites to visit, humor and otherwise. (Most of them are humor, but oh well. Laughter is good for you.) Enjoy! :D

( Click here for the List )

You guys know the story -- I don't need to rehash it. But I need to find my cats a home now. So, if you're in the Chicago area (or are willing to come here to get them), here's YOUR chance to give two unbelievably awesome cats a forever home!

( Come meet Sam and Deana! )

They've been microchipped and spayed, but they're due for their rabies booster shots. I would love to re-home them together if at all possible.

As sad as I am to see them go -- if they can go to a great home, I would be so ridiculously happy.

This dude is also awesome.

Title: Episode 002 The Joy of Politics PLUS Fran Gardiner
Date: Monday 9th November 2009

Podcast description: Lively discussion of London theatre productions with journalist Matt Boothman (Plus One).

Download Episode Two of The Plus One Podcast here, or subscribe using iTunes.

Production: The Joy of Politics (Andrew Jones, Cal McCrystal, Ciaran Murtagh)
Venue: Warehouse Theatre, Croydon
Review Date: Friday 6th November 2009
Closing Date: Sunday 22nd November 2009

Notable Crew: Cal McCrystal, Director; Sakina Karimjee, Set Designer

Notable Cast: Andrew Jones, Ciaran Murtagh (The Black Sheep)

My review for the British Theatre Guide can be found here.

Dominic Maxwell's review for The Times can be found here.

Terry doesn't know it, but he takes after both his parents in ways that would be quite recognizable if they were on speaking terms.( Read more... )

Barring some sort of 11th-hour miracle, I'm moving back home to Indiana in December.

I've decided that, instead of being tossed out on my ass, I'd rather bow out gracefully and get out.

I thought I'd be more upset about this, but I'm really not at this point. Now it's just the logistics of moving out. The hardest thing for me is having to re-home my kitties. (I can't take them with me because I will probably kill someone -- my sister and nephew have asthma, my mom has allergies, and my grandma has a chronic upper respiratory infection.) So, if you know someone who wants to take in two wonderful cats and can pick them up in Chicago, let me know!

This isn't going to be a forever solution -- just until I get my debts paid off. Plus, I'll still be here in Chicago working and going to Blackhawks games, so it's not like I'm totally leaving the city.

Chicago, I love you, but you're also stupidly expensive for me. I'll be back, though!

Today is Day Eight. I've actually managed to post once a day for a week, now! (That's better than I've EVER done. :P)

Anyway, on with today's post.

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Common Sense Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, ‘Common Sense’, who has been with us for many years. He lived a long life but died from heart failure on the brink ofthe millennium. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
why the early bird gets the worm;
life isn’t always fair;
and, maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with ****** harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and as criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was ***. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust. His wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility, and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 step-brothers; I Know My Rights; I Want It Now; Someone Else Is To Blame; and I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. - Author Unknown

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And today's holiday is... *Drum roll* National Dunce Day and Cook Something Bold Day! Enjoy! :D

NaNoWriMo

Well, it's a week since NaNo started, and it's been a fistfight. The first 12k was like pulling teeth, and is incredibly rough/all over the place. However, after breaking 12k I hit my groove, and though I'm technically still behind where I wanted to be, I think I'm on track. The story itself has been evolving as I write, and I can already see things that will need fixing in revision, particularly with the first few chapters. Lots of dead wood to be cut, the product of my flailing about to find the guts of the story.

Writing Linus has been interesting and challenging. He's startlingly frank about some things that very few of my characters are, so it's been rather fun to write with less conceptual beating-about-the-bush in spots. On the other hand, while he's very intense at times he doesn't express that very obviously, so finding a balance between what's going on inside and outside can be a challenge (I've ended up doing more tell than I'd like, and less show; will hopefully be able to evaluate that better when I reread the whole).

Walking around with Linus more or less living in my brain has been... interesting. Because he's, uh, an interesting guy. I'm interested to see where my head's at by the end of the month.


Reading

This semester I've been taking Western Lit II, which is a whirlwind tour of a smattering of the greats of modern lit (started with Swift and went from there). The beginning of the semester was a bit of a glide--Swift and Voltaire are fascinating, but didn't inspire any major reflections on my part (although Candide is hilarious). Since then I've blitzed through some amazing books, and although I'm hardly in a place to be passing judgment on these authors, I'd rather like to categorize my thoughts, and perhaps have some discussion with y'all.

Prefatory: these are all amazing works, of course, and I'm starting from that basic assumption, so don't take my criticisms as dismissals. They're not intended that way.

( Cue my totally gratuitous opinions about great literature )

 

AKA 'The joy of poppy tagging'.

So today I went out poppy tagging with other member of my sea cadet corps, to help raise money for the Royal Canadian Legion. Joy and fun times (said with semi-sarcasm).

I mean, I know it's for a good cause, but sometimes the public (aka purchasers of Poppies) annoy/amuse me. (Annoyment or amusement depends on my mood at the time.) Just some of the stuff they do to avoid buying poppies. There are several types of Poppy Purchase Avoiders, which can easily be identified by the handy guide below.

Smitty's Handy Helpful Guide to Poppy Purchase Avoider Spotting
+ Special Annex on Reluctant Giver

1. The Casual Noticer
The Casual Noticer will generally approach the store Cadet Taggers are outside of, make brief eye-contact, give a small smile, and continue on. Sometimes guilt is evident, sometimes not.

2. The Not-So-Casual Ignorer
The Not-So-Casual Ignorer is a relation to the Casual Noticer, possibly a cousin. The Not-So-Casual Ignorer will approach the store, and as it gets within twenty feet of cadet Taggers, will avert eyes so as not to make eye contact. The creature believes that in this way, the Cadet Taggers will simply disappear. (Unfortunately for it, this is not so.)

3. The Rummager
The Rummager is in a category somewhere in between the Casual Noticer and the Not-So-Casual Ignorer. Like the Noticer, it will make eye contact (if only for a brief moment). However, then, it pretends to rummage in its pocket for a pretend wallet, to fool Cadet Taggers into thinking it will donate money. However, as soon as it passes the Taggers, its hand will immediately come out of its pocket and they will continue on their way.

4. The VIP Poppy Flasher
The VIP Poppy Flasher is much more bold than any of the three breeds listed above. If eye contact is made, it will maintain this contact, give a small (generally semi-smug) smile, and flash a poppy already on its jacket, as if displaying a VIP badge. It will occasionally use the call "I already have one" to accompany this, and carry on into the store.

5. The Confused Excuser
The Excuser is an interesting breed. When eye contact is made, it will give a guilty smile, and generally use one of the following calls to deter Cadet Taggers:

"I have one, but it's in my car"
"I have one on my jacket at home, but I wore this one"
"I bought a ****** earlier, but I lost them. They're so easy to lose"

These are generally said to distract the Taggers, as the Excuser walks right by while using these calls.

6. The No-Changer
The No-Changer is a Very Common Breed, not to be confused with the Reluctant Giver (see Annex). The No-Changer will approach, and either will dig in pocket, or actually pull out purse/wallet. It will examine said wallet/purse/feel pocket contents for about five seconds, then declare, "I have no change - I'll get you on the way out." (There is only a 50/50 chance of this actually occurring [the 'getting on the way out'], give or take a bit.)


ANNEX

1. The Short-Changer
The Short-Changer is a Special [with an R] breed. It will approach Cadet Taggers, and pull out a handful of change. There will generally be a mix of coins - a twoonie, one or two loonies, a quarter or two, and various assorted nickels, dimes, and pennies. The Short-Changer will appear to reach for the twoonie or loonies, but do not be fooled by its bright coinage, for it will abruptly shift its grasp, and pull out various assorted nickels, dimes, and pennies. (Sometimes only one nickel. This Cadet Tagger knows from personal experience.) It will then walk on, feeling that it has done a good deed for the day, oblivious to the rage it has just incurred and the impending death sentence now on its head.

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Well, if you've read this far, I hope you enjoyed my little slice of Sarcasm Pie for the day. :D

Enjoy the rest of National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day! :P

I know I haven't kept up with Star Wars since...the second to last book of the New Jedi Order series, but....uh. How on earth have I been enough out of the loop to miss enough happening in the books to turn a character page into this? My goodness, that's as long as Hitler's wikipedia page*!

However. I will now give you a moment of extreme maturity.

*does the 'My Two Favorite Canon Characters Are Somehow Still Alive' dance around her X-Wing Squadron** books*

There. Now back to spamming out NaNo. Must.get.on.track.
















*I have not read Hitler's wiki page, I just looked at how long it was.
**X Wing Squadron was, by far, the best Star Wars subseries ever. I would have been the happiest 14year old alive if they'd made them into movies instead of focusing on the prequels.

I just got summoned to court for non-payment of my rent. My court date is the 17th.

$1290.00.

Plus there's a $168 court fee which has to be paid by the 10th (or else they put in a judgment by default on me, which means I'm moving into my grandmother's place again).

Really, all I need at this point is TIME. And money, yes, but if I had time, I could get the money. All I need is two/three paychecks. That's it!

Fuck. I never should've gotten sick. I'm working on getting healthier, dammit.

EDIT: Wait, read the summons wrong -- I don't need to pay the court fee by the 10th. Still need to pay it, though. Not sure exactly where or to whom.

What (Not?) To Wear
How Poor Fashion Decisions Lead To True Romance in Catherine Airlie's The Ways of Love

By Thierry Martin

( Read more... )